Saturday, July 4, 2009

meaningful ?

so i don't write as often because i figured that when i blog, i should blog about something meaningful, but can't blogs be about anything? and i mean, if people get something meaningful out of it, then cool beans =D i still don't think i'll blog as often but oh wells.

it is now summer. when summer first started, i was the most excited i've ever been for a summer vacation. this past spring semester was the best yet, but when thinking about the upcoming school year, i'm for sure its gonna be the craziest year yet. why?

-no more cruise classes. yupp, done with all the pre's and gen ed stuff =( grr. the fun has ended. no more skipping class just to eat now. most of them are gonna be my majors. oh Lord help me.

-Katipunan officer = a whole lot of time. dont get me wrong, i'm glad i am, but i just know that its gonna require so much time and effort

-more hours at work. One of my co-workers is about to pop, so while she's on maternity leave, they're gonna need me to come in more. again, i love my job. my bosses are super chill, n even they said that while they were in school, they liked jobs that required little thinking, therefore they don't give me strenuous work. this jobs a total blessing, props to God.

-i'm still commuting. although i "enjoy" the 45 min - 1 hour drive to school, thats time that i couldve spent studying or doing homework. ok fine time i couldve spent resting. haha. but still. well i cant complain. i'm glad my parents didn't make me take out loans, and commuting is still way cheaper than dorming or getting a ridiculously pricy apartment

so as you can see (or all this thoughts put a slight damp on my summer, just cuz summer is going by so fast. nevertheless, this summer has such a significance to it. i've gone through many trying times, and its still not over. i'm very grateful for it though. i asked God what He wanted me to do this summer, and i guess the answer is "grow."

Sunday, May 3, 2009

i lab you tu...

so i'm in my room facebooking at around 11pm, then i hear my mom scream. i run out, and she's on the floor crying hysterically while my dads getting mad saying "it's not confirmed yet!" my mom's shouting telling us to call the number on her cell who gave her the text. i took her phone and read...

"natay ni nana"

i couldn't believe it. i too was like "whatever, its not confirmed" NOT TRUE. like seriously, through a damn text, you say that nana is dead?! cant be! i was absolutely furious. like who would seriously tell someone their mom is dead through a text??

my dad was trying to call the philippine number while i try to call tita au because my mom wanted to talk to her but she didn't answer. i called AR and asked if he heard anything n he didnt. finally tita au answered and apparently didn't get the text and i dont know how her reaction was but it somehow calmed my mom. we kept trying to call the philippines. we finally get through to my tito's house and our cousin said that yes she was unresponsive, but they revived her.

long story short, my mom got in contact with my tito who was with my grandma. my mom was talking to them asking to do whatever they can to just keep her alive, just until they can go and see her. you guys don't understand, since my mom's an RN, she was shouting telling them what they should do, what they shouldve done, and what they were doing wrong. she was suppose to go up there on monday to help take care of her. grandma was suppose to be fine. it was hard hearing my mom say "she was fine yesterday! they said she was still able to hold tata's hand!"

we prayed. my mom couldn't do anything. we couldn't do anything. we prayed for her survival. we prayed for the doctors. we prayed for strength. we prayed for a miracle. all my mom could say was "nana is in Your Hands Lord, nana is in Your Hands"

my mom called them back and all i heard was "so wala ni nana?" they couldn't do anything anymore. the battle was over. once again we prayed. we prayed for comfort. we prayed for peace. we especially prayed for tata. his whole life was centered around nana. he can never be 5 seconds away from her and not freak out.

through all this, i had peace. i just knew it had to be God. if they hadn't went to the Philippines, nana wouldn't have gotten sick, and even if she did get sick, she'd be here with quality doctors and her nurse daughters. but it was God's timing. pastor jun always says "you are immortal until your job on earth is completed" it was her time to go. Though we were shocked, God wasn't. and looking at it, He allowed for a nice goodbye. We all got to see them off. hug and kiss them before they got into their wheelchairs, see them go through security, and left with a hope that we'll see them soon.

Its so hard. i dislike looking at the picture up there, because it still seems like she's here. but once the realization of her being gone began to settle in, i can't help but think that this was an answer to her prayers. she had a hard life, and it wasn't getting easier. I see her right now finally meeting her Savior, with no more diabetes, no more weak hands and feet, and crazy joy. She lived a full life. being married at 14, having 10 children, and being 80 when she passed. it truly was her time.

I love you grandma. and i can see hear her ever so clearly
saying "i lab you tu..."

Monday, February 9, 2009

gotta gotta getcha head in the game =P

HAHA quiet, i know i know, high school musical is overrated but oh wells. SO man, a lots been going on and i find myself with no time. it's like i'm always doing homework, or a project, or a paper, or studying for some test or quiz. And then wen i do have free time, its like i have to find something for me to do, like do some more homework, or read a textbook, or start on some project. but when i don't, i feel "unproductive". as you read this, you probably get that school consumes a lot of my time. yup, the semester started about a month ago and my schedule is not necessary crazy, its just pretty filled. I enjoy it though. I prayed so much that God will fix it up cuz it was just not working, then finally, the first week of school, then it came together. lol, that's God for you, gotta trust Him till the very last minute.

last semester, my goal was not to procrastinate. This semester i felt that my goal needed to be different. not saying not procrastinating is not a good goal, its just that it needed to be deeper. so this semester, it is F.R.O.G =D and NO hannah marie, its not cuz of what you think. LOL. the TOJ's 2007 summer camp's theme was F.ully R.eliant O.n G.od and for some reason this semester, God brought it up again. I can not procrastinate all i want, but in the end, i'm going to fail if i don't rely on God.

Relying on God calls for more than just praying and asking Him for help. It's surrendering our time, activities, and school in His hands and following His direction every second of the day. By reading my first paragraph, you might be able to tell that I haven't been completely relying on God. If I had, then I wouldn't feel guilty when I have free time, because if i truly followed His direction, I would have peace about the free time that He blessed me with instead of being anxious about having to do more.

At night when i did my devotions, I'd be not only tired and sleepy, but I'd also tell God that it seems I don't have as much time for Him because of all the schoolwork I gotta do. Then He helped me realize that it's the last days, and if I'm not careful, i might grow cold. I'm filling my days with so much stuff that's not of real value, and neglecting the only thing that is. If i continued to prioritize school over my time with God, then everythings gonna come weaker, my sensitivity to God's voice, my discernment, my passion, my preception of myself and my dreams. I'm going to find myself compromising because the Holy Spirit's impact on my decision making is going to be weaker. the love and desire i once had for Jesus is slowly going to fade.

So i encourage all of you, no matter how "busy" you get, you cannot neglect your daily devotions with God. Just because we were once strong and on fire, doesn't mean we're strong enough to fight the devil on our own.

John 10:10 "The theif comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the FULL."

Satan's out there to get us, and he is NOT weak. he can appear as an "angel of light" pastor jun says "he's not going to appear pangit" lol. which is soo true. he's gonna appear good looking, enticing, we are no match for him on our own. BUT...

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in HIS might power." Eph. 6:10

with God, we can face any giant, because we have His mighty power living within us. God bless and until next time...

<3, mama.jayy

Thursday, January 1, 2009

man oh man! the new year has come!

dude, like seriously, where has the year gone? i just really can't believe that it's a new year =O yup, see my shocked face. haha.

so this picture was taken the very last day of 2007. we all woke up at 5am to see the sunrise by sea life park. 2008 was the year of new beginnings. so that last day of 2007 we all just thought about all the things that really needed to be left in the past and start off new. To be honest, that day really helped me move on and forget the craziness of the past and look forward to what God was going to do.

A lot of things happened in 2008. One of the biggest things happened these past 2 months. It had to be one of the most heart-breaking experiences of my life. I had/have the peace, but it doesn't exempt me from the pain. I know God has a purpose in all this, even if i don't understand it now, but i'd rather be taken out of someplace where God doesn't want me at the moment rather than insist that i stay and God's hand not be upon me. It defeats the whole concept of surrendering one's will.

Together with this experience, God also blessed me with new friends. It was His way of helping me deal with everything i guess. It certainly helped. School kept me more occupied than usual, even if deep inside i really wanted to be occupied with things that i have always been occupied with in the past. but hey, new beginnings right? who knew that it would carry out even till the end of the year?

2009 is the year of the womb. ho boy, we got our new beginning. now it's the stretching, and the morning sickness, the contractions, the pain, and finally the birth. i really don't know yet what i'm gonna give birth to, but i sure am excited! The pain doesn't sound so pleasant, but once you give birth, doesn't the pain fade away?

i pray that no matter what 2009 throws our way, we'll remain faithful. we might stumble, we might fall, but at least we know He's there to catch us every single time. Thanks Jesus, for Your love, faithfulness, and grace that saw us through 2008, and will continue to see us through this new year. May Your love and power be more evident than ever before in our churches and in our lives. we love You. in Jesus Name we pray, Amen.

woot, thanks guys, and have a blessed 2009 =D

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

Rom 8:1

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

talk about change

FIRST, i gotta give my testimony =) i want to praise and thank God for helping me in my math test (haha..but no really). so here's the story. in the beginning of the school year, i was determined not to procrastinate. God's has been so good during my freshman year helping me get good grades even if i procrastinated but this time, i wanted to do Him proud. So the semester begins, and i do pretty well. i'm reading my textbook, studying my notes, i'm right on track...except for math. how ironic right? since my favorite subject was math. i think because i thought i was gonna get a fun outgoing professor, but they changed it before the sem started =( so i was being stubborn not wanting to work. up until the final weeks i didn't care much about math. until i realized i might fail =( hoooo man i was worried. 

then i thought, how could God help me now? it's my fault that i'm in the situation. but i knew God never failed me in the past, and that He ALWAYS pulls through. i've always claimed the verse Do not worry about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God (Phil 4:6) i've made mistakes before. i was in this situation before. and God was faithful. He helped me. but for some reason i thought this time it was different, that maybe this time He wouldn't help me. maybe because i was soo close to "not procrastinating" that this just ruined it, and therefore made Him disappointed in me.

how silly of me right? aren't i pretty mature to know that God is faithful? shouldn't i already know that if i trusted in Him, He'd get me through this? nevertheless, i trusted. i studied my okole off. i had two finals that day. accounting at 7:30 and math at 9:45. that didn't help. but i still trusted. after accounting, went straight to math to get some more studying in. then it was time to take the test. hooooo man (again) u noe wen u study so hard, then u look at the thing, and forget everything. thats wat happened. hahaha. i was just trying to get some writing on each page so it didn't look empty. but somehow i got through. i took the full 2 hours and managed to answer more than half of the questions.

i left grateful that He helped me, yet worried. STINKIN WORRY i tell you. i knew i didn't have to, because it was over and i couldn't do anything about it. but satan kept on whispering "how bout if He didn't pull you through this time. He gave you so many chances before, you shouldve learned ur lesson" i didn't realize until now that it was satan putting all those lies into my head. so i didn't have peace =( i was just so anxious to get the grades, hoping that it was fine yet preparing myself for the possibility of me getting a C- (cuz you see, i have to repeat the course if i get lower than a C) 

finally, grades got in last night. talk about pulpitations (is that how u spell it? lol) i was soo nervous. THEN i see, n i passed with a B-! HOOOO man, i started screaming and running and telling my parents, i even cried! hahaha. i was soooo happy! yet felt sooo stupid that i was so surprised. once again, He never failed me, and He never will. you come before Him with a humble heart, He'll give you ur second, third, fourth chance. He's that goood =D so praise God!

wow, thanks for reading. now wat this blog was really about ;)

this christmas is different. i normally spend christmas eve at church with all my church family, then christmas day with my family family...but its different..i'm pretty sad. but you know, my joy can't be based on circumstances. Wherever God wants me to be, i must be joyful in it, because as long as i'm under His will, He'll give me the joy.

have a merry christmas. and God bless.

-mama j. 

Saturday, November 22, 2008

first blog yo =D

HELLO WORLD =D hows everyone doing?
thanks for reading my very first blog!
i've been feeling detached a bit from everything
and everyone. no ones fault. its just the way it is.
So i decided to start blogging
because venting hasn't been as easy as before.
this is to keep my friends up to date
cuz i can't always talk to them face to face =(
and plus, i have pretty awesome friends out there
that when they know you're going through something
they won't hesitate to pray.
so why not be open about your struggles?
okay well that's it for now.

GODbless.>>mama j.