then i thought, how could God help me now? it's my fault that i'm in the situation. but i knew God never failed me in the past, and that He ALWAYS pulls through. i've always claimed the verse Do not worry about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God (Phil 4:6) i've made mistakes before. i was in this situation before. and God was faithful. He helped me. but for some reason i thought this time it was different, that maybe this time He wouldn't help me. maybe because i was soo close to "not procrastinating" that this just ruined it, and therefore made Him disappointed in me.
how silly of me right? aren't i pretty mature to know that God is faithful? shouldn't i already know that if i trusted in Him, He'd get me through this? nevertheless, i trusted. i studied my okole off. i had two finals that day. accounting at 7:30 and math at 9:45. that didn't help. but i still trusted. after accounting, went straight to math to get some more studying in. then it was time to take the test. hooooo man (again) u noe wen u study so hard, then u look at the thing, and forget everything. thats wat happened. hahaha. i was just trying to get some writing on each page so it didn't look empty. but somehow i got through. i took the full 2 hours and managed to answer more than half of the questions.
i left grateful that He helped me, yet worried. STINKIN WORRY i tell you. i knew i didn't have to, because it was over and i couldn't do anything about it. but satan kept on whispering "how bout if He didn't pull you through this time. He gave you so many chances before, you shouldve learned ur lesson" i didn't realize until now that it was satan putting all those lies into my head. so i didn't have peace =( i was just so anxious to get the grades, hoping that it was fine yet preparing myself for the possibility of me getting a C- (cuz you see, i have to repeat the course if i get lower than a C)
finally, grades got in last night. talk about pulpitations (is that how u spell it? lol) i was soo nervous. THEN i see, n i passed with a B-! HOOOO man, i started screaming and running and telling my parents, i even cried! hahaha. i was soooo happy! yet felt sooo stupid that i was so surprised. once again, He never failed me, and He never will. you come before Him with a humble heart, He'll give you ur second, third, fourth chance. He's that goood =D so praise God!
wow, thanks for reading. now wat this blog was really about ;)
this christmas is different. i normally spend christmas eve at church with all my church family, then christmas day with my family family...but its different..i'm pretty sad. but you know, my joy can't be based on circumstances. Wherever God wants me to be, i must be joyful in it, because as long as i'm under His will, He'll give me the joy.
have a merry christmas. and God bless.
-mama j.
